The Curse of Beauty

“Curse of Beauty”
What’s as beautiful as an array of vibrant flowers, sunsets glaring or a big full moon with star lit nights? What’s as beautiful as the delicate rain replenishing the earth with greenery, a perfect rainbow embedding the clouds? What about the crisp snow cascading on a cool Winter morning? We would probably agree that these are all examples of beauty. You see, no one ever questions the beauty of nature. GOD, created “man” in his own image.We judge each other. We have a habit of placing a person’s physical features or attributes above another. I must admit, I’m guilty of doing so myself. “She’s a 10 or about 5’5,” etc. We grade others with such harsh scrutiny! When an individual is what this world considers genuinely beautiful, they don’t see themselves as such. So, how do these individuals from (Mount Olympus) live with this so-called curse? What’s it like to have people always eyeing and desiring you? Most women spend hours sequestered in their bathrooms, just to emerge still not happy within themselves. They’re feeling somewhat good about themselves until a beautiful female graces their presence. They begin feeling completely devoid of beauty and their ego is left dangling. You may be thinking to yourselves, “Why is this man writing a blog about women’s psychological problems concerning beauty?” Well, I remember my niece coming home from school very angry. She was in Jr. High at the time. She told me that some girls who attended her school were threatening to beat her up. “Why? Did you say something to them?” I asked because I knew she had a smart mouth. She explained to me that these girls didn’t like her. Their reasoning was because they felt, that she thought she was prettier. “Wait!” I said. “They don’t like you, because you’re beautiful?” She went on to inform me that the little boys found her more appealing than the other girls. I was floored! As her uncle, I took it upon myself to teach her self-defense. I wanted my niece to be able to defend herself not only from a potential predator, but now also from her classmates. Unfortunately, this type of behavior continues today in the classrooms, boardrooms and our churches. It may not only manifest via some jealous individuals wanting to do physical harm. The physiological damage can come in the form of dirty looks, rolling of eyes, sucking of teeth and shady comments. Additionally, these individuals can pretend to be a friend, but hate you the whole time. The myth is that if a woman’s beautiful, her life is perfect. Not True!

Deborah L. Rhode is a Stanford law professor who wrote the book “The Beauty Bias.” You can view her lecture on iTunes located under Stanford Law. In the lecture, Rhode talks about the effects of appearance-based bias. She states that apart from money, physical appearance is the greatest dissatisfaction amongst women. If beauty is only skin deep, then we are a very shallow nation. Ms. Rhode points out that companies are more likely to hire you, if you are attractive. Did you know that amongst young women, if given a choice of being hit by a truck or to be fat that half picked “hit by a truck?” Wow! It’s unfortunate we are brainwashed with this mentality that beauty is everything. The simple story of “Cinderella” and her ugly step sisters is a great example. Does anyone even remember their names? I had to google their names and Anastasia & Drizella is what I found. My point is that sometimes a person isn’t valued when they’re viewed as ugly. Cinderella had a beautiful personality and voice. She sang to the animals, cooked, danced, sewed, cleaned and was loving. Anastasia and Drizella were mean and cruel. They refused to do anything for themselves and abused Cinderella emotionally. A person’s character has nothing to do with their outward appearance. It’s possible to be pretty outwardly and ugly inwardly. That wasn’t the case for Cinderella. She was portrayed as pretty, yet humble. Her inner beauty became even more apparent once she attended the Royal ball. Many are blinded from the beautiful, perfect colors of compassion, empathy, respect for one’s self and others. Their pupils are shielded by the dark hues of the me, myself and I mentality. Their jealousy, pride and self-pity surfaces. Once they speak, people see their true colors.

After shooting the (Style Fashion Week Los Angeles and LA Fashion Magazine), I met some very beautiful women. They were cordial and down to earth. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to ask a few questions of them about the topic at hand. They respectively obliged to my inquiry. Before beginning, I thanked them for agreeing and encouraged transparency. I wanted other women out there, to feel a certain connection to them. The goal of my questioning was to let “God’s” creations know this:
“Regardless of your appearance, you are more than a photo could possibly describe you. Maybe, a picture really isn’t always worth a thousand words? If so, then we are selling ourselves short!” And a special thanks to my sister-in-law and editor Debra Miller your talents out shine your beauty!!! Love you!

DSC_0038Ariya /fashion model

Me: What is the one thing that you wish didn’t come with your beauty? What is your curse?

Ariya: My curse that comes with beauty would be being kind. Don’t get me wrong I love being kind but unfortunately one too many times it’s taken advantage of. Let’s leave it that way because I don’t really like thinking about it, I still would like to be kind but don’t worry I am smart about it now. We are not yet in a state of consciousness where humans can be morally correct to other humans. I am a survivor of man’s indecency. Something that I feel I have been cursed with but again mind over matter! I am strong, I am powerful, I am smart and I am beautiful!

Me: Do you consider yourself beautiful? If “yes” why? If “no” why not?

Ariya: Yes I consider myself beautiful. Why? Hmm well because I feel beautiful at the moment! I don’t always feel pretty, there are so many beauty standards and opinions that it’s hard to know if your pretty. You know what though- it’s all based on a matter of opinion. Why on earth follow the opinion of some fat guy probably jerking off to this big booty woman on instagram who then comments on your post “small tits, needs implants.” When he himself is ugly on the inside and most likely not very good looking on the outside. By no means am I calling out to big booty women. Girl! You have curves? Flaunt it! Lady, you have nice perky A or B cup sized boobs? Wear the lowest cut shirt without a bra because you’re lucky. Some women can’t do it without anything slipping or not fitting. Plus you look amazingly sexy! What do these two women have in common? Confidence…. Confidence in what you are born with. I tell myself ( mostly my husband) “You are the most beautiful you and NO ONE else can be better at being you than yourself.” Never compare and I trust me I know it’s hard. Again do I consider myself beautiful? Yes, I do and i love taking care of my beauty inside and out as a whole person.

Me: Was there a moment or moments that awaken you to the fact that you are beautiful?

Ariya: Plenty of moments that “awaken me.” Pictures! Not mirrors. Sometimes when I am having a low day, I need to avoid mirrors and anything reflective so I don’t look at myself. Excessive I know but I grew up with a very skewed mindset. I am half Latina and half Caucasian (Scottish decent) and my mom idolized my dad for being “gringo.” Tall, green eyed man, white skin, freckles, dirty blonde hair and a build of a strong man. My mom is from Mexico who has lighter skin for being Hispanic, long dark black curly hair, fairly thin and big breasted 5’4 women with nice plump lips. She grew up in the middle high group of society and those people are so picky about status and the way you look. My dad was like winning the jackpot in her culture! I so happen to come out with darker skin than both my parents, brown ethnic curly hair, and well no excessive curves like most Latina women do. I wanted to have pale skin, green eyes and blonde hair to fit in to what the ideal woman is to my mom, to my dad’s ethnicity, and what high school thought was pretty. In high school I avoided pictures but from those that were surprisingly taken I look at and think to myself ‘what on earth was I thinking,’ I was not ugly, not even to society ugly. I am born from not only two different ethnicities but two different races. I am exotic. I look exotic… People don’t know what I am ( I laugh and say I am human!). The compliment I get the most is, “What ethnicities are you? You’re so pretty, I can’t figure it out!” Those constant reminders that I am unique, that I am beautifully exotic remind me I am pretty. The next compliment I get is “Wow, for being so pretty you are so smart and nice!”…. haha… thanks? When did beauty = stupidity? Anyway, that compliment reminds me of how beautiful I am. I pride myself in giving back to our planet, people, and universe with one small action of kindness any chance I get. As far as being smart, I feel decent. I am working towards my mathematics degree after dropping out of college the first time but at least I am back on track. Hooah 😉

finalVeronica / event planner

Me: Do you consider yourself beautiful? If “yes” why? If “no” why not?
Veronica: No, I dont consider myself “model” beautiful but I haved learned to accept myself as I am. Of course I have flaws so I work on them so I can get better with time.

Me: What is the one thing that you wish didn’t come with your beauty?

Veronica: Persecution from insecure women especially insecure wives. Sometimes I want to tell certain ladies that “just because you fell in love with him and thought he was handsome doesn’t mean that the rest of us feel the same way” but id be mean if I did that….lol

Me: Was there a moment or moments that awaken you to the fact that you are beautiful?
Veronica: There is no awakening moment for me. I was born and raised with family that uplifts and encourages. There was no room not to have confidence in our family especially for girls with my mother and her 6 beautiful sisters you had no choice in the matter…we were all beautiful, strong and perfect for every occasion

finalCharda/ Medical Student

Me: Do you consider yourself beautiful? If “yes” why? If “no” why not?

Charda: “Beautiful, means so much more than a pretty face. I know, there’s more to me than just that. I consider myself beautiful from the inside out. I’m going to school pursuing my degree to become a Nurse Practitioner. My future goals also include being a OBGYN Physician.”

Me: Was there a moment or moments that awaken you to the fact that you are beautiful?

Charda: The realization that I was a beautiful person, was when I turned twenty-one. I vividly remember telling myself I was beautiful as I looked into the mirror. I didn’t need anyone to validate me. It wasn’t that I was being conceited. I just felt confident that I was not a beautiful person, but also a beautiful woman. A person can be the most beautiful person there is. However, if they’re a bad person, they become ugly.

Me: What is the one thing that you wish didn’t come with your beauty? What is your curse?

Charda: Unfortunately, there’s one thing I wish didn’t come with my beauty. I wish that I didn’t get constant attention from a lot of guys. I feel like half of the time, I can’t just walk into a store without being glared at. When I go to the gas station, dudes stare me up and down as if they’ve never seen a woman before. I’m trying to simply pay for my fuel. I recall this one incident when I was at the store with my children. Some guy followed me around the store. He followed me up to the point of me exiting the store. He never uttered a word as he continued to stare at me. That incident was sacary and very creepy.

DSC_0116Lana/ Fashion Model

Me: Do you consider yourself beautiful? If “yes” why? If “no” why not?

Lana :I never thought of myself that way. Everyone has his own opinion about beauty. In my understanding a handsome man is in harmony with himself being the best man he can be. For me, I still have a lot of goals in life … a lot of work .. when they are conceived in thought, they will come true, I will be beautiful for myself. And most importantly, like yourself.

Me: How do you interact with other women? Do you get along better with men or women? Why?

Lana: I have an excellent relationship with confident women. But not with women who are insecure.

Me: What are some of the things that your beauty helps with? Career, finance, relationships, etc?

Lana: Beauty has always been and will be an assistant in any field, and if it is accompanied by a smile, consider that you are on the path to victory. The beauty is the outside but the smile comes from within!